In my recovery journey, I’ve discovered that making it to the other side of addiction can feel like squeezing through a narrow door. As addicts, we carry so many heavy layers through life; layers that make us unable to fit through the door to recovery.
I’m learning that finding sobriety and health is like peeling off these layers one at a time, thoughtfully and sometimes painfully. It’s an intentional process that cannot be rushed and you’ll discover that you will not peel a layer off until you’re ready and willing to surrender.
The very first step I took toward true health was to shed the layer of self-will. Underneath self-will I found surrender which opened up opportunities for blessings and miracles.
The next layer I had to shed was my habit of lying to others and myself. Once free of the weight of deceit, I found honesty which brought truth, identity, reality and clarity.
Following that layer, I had to remove shame and let it fade away. What I discovered underneath the shame was self-love and acceptance. Acceptance was truly the thing I had been desperately seeking; my deepest core desire and I found it within myself. Self-acceptance is the key to complete freedom and empowerment.
As I kept shedding layers, the next one that hit the floor was my belief that I deserved pain and punishment, and that I would never be enough. This layer was rooted deep within my being and was what drove me to pick up drugs over and over again. I wasn’t capable of fitting through the door to recovery while still wrapped up in this deadly layer of self-hatred. This was a fatal layer, able to suffocate my past, present and future.
This belief that I would never be enough came straight from hell to hold me down and restrain me from ever moving forward. Once this was finally removed, I gained self-love, clarity and a new, life-altering perspective that soon changed everything. The change that happens inside yourself during recovery is hard to put into words; it’s a complete transformation of worldview and perspective.
I’m sure there are many more layers to be shed and incredible discoveries to reveal as I continue this recovery journey. I feel lighter with each breakthrough, discovering my true self one layer at a time. And as I finally fit through that door to recovery, I‘m finding a new path that brings me hope, a happy ending, life, freedom and joy!
